The fear of rejection

I’m really afraid of being rejected.

Well, when it comes to visas, the fear level just reaches code red.

That’s what happened yesterday as I was picking up my passport from the Russian visa center. I was already scared since there was a slight error in one of the invitation letter: a reason they rejected one of our faculty’s visa.

As I was waiting, with my heart pounding and stomach growling no no obvious reasons, my fear level heightened like anything when the lady at the counter me a white envelope.

Everyone, including my friends had received their passports in red envelope.

The lady then kindly said, “It’s best to have a seat and check your visa.”

Oh well, I though that was the end to Russia. But then there it was: the shining hologram, the visa.

I’m not sure why was I worried to that extreme. But coming from a developing country where you really have to prove yourself that you have the money to travel to a developed country and then the will to return home, it’s not easy getting a visa. Forget the dream of traveling the world.

But I have dared to dream that dream and so far I’m living that dream.

I was Skyping with my cousin today and he asked me what I’m going to do with my life and when am I going to be financially stable? I was silent for a while.

Yes, I am in my late 20s and supposedly I should be thinking about my future, a stable job and money and family and what not–mostly that measures happiness in my part of the world. But quite often, you tend to forget your own happiness.

However, I’m glad that I haven’t surrendered myself to the conventional prototype. I’ve always begged to differ.

And after being away for almost seven years from home, spending more than a year back in Nepal in between, and back to being  a Nepalese nomad, I should say I’m happy for I’m still on my way to achieving my dreams.

World travel is there. I’m glad I’ve travelled from North America to South Africa and Asia to the Middle East and Europe. I’m happy for that fact that I’m passionately following my dream of becoming that journalist.

There have been few rejections, and a whole lot of success, I should say.

Keeping them aside, for now, I’ll keep travelling and conquering my dreams one after other.

Maybe some might just ignore me at first, laugh at me or fight me. But I know, in the end I will win. That’s what Gandhi said.

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